Nothingness in my Heart
by Neko Kai
Summary: This story is about my character, Katarel, who has met the Supreme Kai, or in theis story, the East Kaioshin, while he was on Vacation. He he... not much else to say...
1. Frost on the Window

Chapter One Frost on the Window  
I look at her cards, and again I wonder why. I look out the window and see the courtyard stretch before me. It looks so inviting, I thought to myself. No wonder she never liked the sun light. Looking around the room, I feel what remains of her lingering spirit there. I see her book, open to chapter twenty one, with a special card that she loved as a book mark. She would never leave that behind. My heart ached for her to return, to come back, and say that she was never going to leave.  
  
Looking up, on her bedpost, her hat hung there. It was the one that she had embroidered a heart and their initials in. She would never leave that. I see her shoes beside the door. She ran in them. There was no way she could leave without them. I feel the tears come, but instead of looking out the window again, I walk over to her bed and I pick up the picture of her that she had draw for me. They had been apart because he had to go to the tournaments and she had to finish school. They kept in touch with each other through letters and e- mail. Each time that she sent a letter, she wanted to know if he was okay, and there were sometimes that she just wanted to tell about her day, or send me something she bought for me. In her last letter, she had sent the drawing. In that picture, she stood there and looked back at me, wearing a uniform and a smile. God, how I had loved that drawing! I lifted my hand to my face and glared at the pale purple flesh there. White hair hung into my eyes, making me close my eyes, wishing she hadn't said that she liked my hair the waiy it was, especially the color. She left because I seemed so important to the universe. She wanted me to find happiness, because when she was around, I thought of my friends, and then I thought of Buu. Why am I different? I looked to the window, where frost had settled, and written there, in the cold air, was the words "Because you have to be". I stood frozen, my breath caught in my chest. Her magic. I looked away. The tears came in floods this time. How long has it been? I thought to myself. Thirteen long, long years without my precious. Nothing remained in my heart but the nothingness that had filled my heart before I knew about pain. I drifted in the memory. Her soft brown hair, her kind hazel eyes, and her big heart captivated me at once. And what seemed stranger, she didn't think she was beautiful. She always went to the wishing pool in the garden and dropped in Earth coins and wished for beauty. It was one of the things she didn't know she possessed. Another thing was her power. How many times had she gotten so angry at Majin Buu and her hair go blue and spike and grow? I had lost track. She didn't know she did it. She often awoke in the night and scream out my name. Never did she thing she had such power. And the last was the danger. She couldn't go anywhere without someone following her. I accompanied her anywhere and everywhere I could, and Nishi did where I couldn't. But what hid I done to make her leave? Before she had left, she hadn't been allowed to leave Kaioshinkai without Kibito and myself to join her. She never did mind, or understand why, although Kibito found her yearly trips to get new Earth clothes rather bothersome. On these cold days, days to unnaturally cold that nothing gave me warmth, I began to wish that she would at least call me with a hello. Even If I only heard her speak a word, I would be warm for along time. But no warmth came, no call, not even a hint of her magic, half elf, half unknown power. I stood by the fire, the flames roaring to almost my height, and felt no warmth from the fire. As I stared at the flames which roared there, I felt no soothing power beside me, where the strength and warmth was supposed to be. Kibito entered the room and bowed to me. I didn't even look at him, just into the fire. My heart felt so much sorrow, so much pain, that I almost didn't notice him there. I nodded to him and he spoke with true sincerity and hope and a small note of relief when he spoke the words the changed my life and the meanings of "danger" and "safety": "We found her." 


	2. Snowflakes on the Wind

Chapter Two Snowflakes on the Wind  
I came here to this place with feelings of a vast emptiness. I ran away to protect him thirteen years ago. And here he was, trying to put himself back in danger. Sure, I had trouble with coping with the loneliness. But he had to be safe. And another year or so of training and I would be ready for the ultimate showdown-Buu against me. Sure I had my doubts. Everyone does. I'm just the kinda person to have fewer, but darker and more reasonable doubts. How many times a day can one person think about me? Invading a person's thoughts was one thing, but when you were practically obsessed with her in your thoughts is a whole different ball game. I seemed to be the center of attention in his mind. Who could blame him? I was the one that caused the death of the others. I am no different from Buu. I destroyed his life. I might as well have killed them myself. The night descended upon the planet. I finally gave up the urge and stood. I walked to the entrance of the cave, and walked a stretch of land until it looked out onto the starlit roads of a place called Reading, England. It was calm and soothing here at night, and I took pleasure in looking at the lamplights flicker on as day light faded into twilight and turn off as night bade a slow farewell to the land. These were the only times I allowed myself to leave the hidden safety of the cavern. The midnight wind rustled my hair, bringing memories of something never quite forgotten, something not quite a memory. I closed my eyes, and remembered kisses sweet in salty air, and a promise of something that was impossible. The bittersweet taste of.what had it been? Rejection? Broken trust? Unforgivable pain? I would never know the name. It filled my mouth and teased my memories; pricking my thoughts and making the tears come. I took a deep breath, the cold air was crisp and refreshing, and in some ways, soothing. I looked at the small houses and even smaller shops, and finally just began the long trek down the hillside. Slowly, step by step, I walked away toward the highway and toward the town of Reading. I began to walk the streets lit by the pale moonlight and the circles of the streetlamps. I stood at an intersection; no cars passed by. I sighed and, slowly, as if not wanting to wake anyone up, I sang, and the sound that came out would have put anyone to sleep, and I wasted no time in allowing the sound to grow within me snow began to fall all around me. With the snow flakes like the fairies from back home, I danced and sang in the town square to a strange melody all my own:  
  
There you were, Standing in the dark, Shadows hid your face, There I felt a spark.  
  
Where did you come from? Oh, Prince of the night? Where do you go? Prince of my light?  
  
Prince of the night, Prince of the light, Prince of the silence.  
  
Why don't you speak? Why don't you say your name? You know I will plead and beg. Please before I go to shame?  
  
Where did you come from, Oh, Prince of the night? Where do you go, Prince of my light?  
  
Will I ever know? Will I ever see? When, if ever, Will I hear your voice? Calling out to me?  
  
Prince of the night, Prince of the light, Prince of the silence.  
  
Come to me, Prince from the night!  
  
As the last note died on the wind, I felt a cold and forbidding fear creep upon my heart, for I knew, deep in my soul, that the time had come, and now, Buu was going to pay. And I didn't care what the price was, for I would make him. 


	3. A Payment Long Due

Chapter Three A Payment Long Due  
I stand here, waiting for his arrival. The cold wind cuts through my coat and slashes angrily at my face and body, but I do not notice. How cold it was here seemed so much warmer than in Siberia. I felt the bad feeling in my stomach that always seemed to come before some tragic event to happen. I sighed again, wishing beyond all hope that she didn't come. I knew that I shouldn't keep my hopes very high, and I just began to pray silently that she didn't come. The final showdown drew near as the sun slowly began to set. I watched the wind curl and twist and writhe between the trees. As the hot smell of rotting carrion carried to me on the wind, I felt the ever present power of Buu. But not far away and weakened. It was close. It was much, much too close for comfort. I shivered as I thought of how that creature had killed the others... She had escaped it with barely her life and me with my own. I know I should have done more. But I didn't. I didn't think it was fate. I thought it was just a plain event in my life and more Kaioshins would come. But more didn't come. No one took their places. No one had the training or heart or courage to do it. No one could do it, but she dared to. As the wind blew savagely in my ears, I remembered her voice, so soft, so sweet, so clear. On the wind, in the clear wintery air, she was now every where, but she wasn't here. I needed her near, but she wasn't there. I wanted her to now leave and never come back. I feel the snow twist and writhe and curl around me. The moment drew nearer; I nearly smelled the stench of rotting carrion and almost make out her slim figure in the snow and shadows...  
As the night wind howled and circled me, I heard my name on the wind. Katarel... Katarel... it called. I didn't listen, but I listened for the precise sounds through the night wind's calls and howls and whispers. I stand, the snow trying to strangle me and clutch me with its cold fingers. I smiles in spite of myself. I feel Buu nearer now, with Bibidi in the lead. They will pay. As Bibidi stopped to set Buu free, I stepped out and said in a voice that reminded me of the howls of wolves, "I have come, Bibidi! You cannot escape me! I will have my revenge!" Bibidi turned around to see no one but me, and he laughed. "What can you possibly do?" I snarled and growled loudly. My senses told me to lunge forward and bite his head right off. It was small enough to. I clenched my teeth and stepped forward. It was true that I was short, and I did look like a kid. But I was strong. I was different. I took a deep breath and said in a voice that seemed to chill my blood clean through: "DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE MY POWER! OR IT WILL BE THE LAST THING YOU DO!!" Suddenly the wind stopped and the snow quit falling. I felt the moonlight start to come... First he just stared at me with a blank look on his face. And then he smiled. It was only a little smile, enough of a hint of one to reach his beady black eyes. Then he grinned. Then he giggled a little. My look of disgust and hatred grew as he straight out laughed. Wiping the tears from his eyes, he said to me, "Now, now, you shouldn't joke around in matters that are of no concern to you!" My tail writhed and thrashed and flicked angrily, as though it had a mind of its own. I opened my mouth to yell some insults at him, but instead, I threw my head back and howled. It wasn't the normal sound I made when I howled. I howled this time, the sound of a wolf on the prowl and was closing in on its victim. I closed my eyes as I continued to howl, letting the sound rip and tear from my throat. I felt as though my whole heart and soul and pain poured into my howl. I stopped howling, but my head was still thrown back. Opening my eyes, I saw the full moon. I was the only Saiyan that could do that with my tail. I loved to look at the moon. It was so big and pale and round... and so many times it listened to my howls. I brought my head back down and glared with eyes that blazed an angry purple blaze. I set my sights on Bibidi. I opened my mouth and snarled, letting the wolf inside me loose. Before I knew it, I lunged forward and dug my teeth into his neck and bit hard enough until I heard the soft crack of his back bone snapping. I tasted his blood on my tongue. It wasn't a metallic sweet taste, like my blood, or the blood of anyone else's that I'd ever tasted. It was sour and bitter, very disgusting, poisonous in my mouth. I felt his heart, even though I didn't think him capable of having one, slow and die, but still I held on until the adrenaline died off and I was forced to finally drop him.  
  
Standing, I look in all directions, and, using her psychic abilities, buried Buu as he lay in his dormant state to forever be left in his dormancy. No longer would the Universe have to suffer at the hands of Buu. I only hoped that the damage inflicted by his power would eventually fade and heal. How I hoped and wished that to be true. I walked away, slowly, spitting Bibidi's blood out, crawling, staggering, and jogging my way through the darkness and snow. I needed to return home. I needed Shin... I walked forever, too tired to just use instant transmission back to Kaioshinkai, but too determined to just stay in the snow. As I trekked, I heard the remains of our last talk with one another echo through the back of my mind.  
  
Kaioshin came storming in, his cloak and hat soaked from the rain. Katarel was happy that he had returned... up until she saw the look on the Kai's face. He looked like he was about five different shades of red and twelve different shades of purple. She stood there, gawking at him and he stormed right past, not even bearing her a glance. She stood there, dumbfounded, staring after him, but finally snapped out of it and ran after him. "Kaioshin! Oh, Kaioshin, please wait up!" she called, running after him. He paid her no mind and continued to walk off angrily. She fell in step behind him and started to pester him with questions-"What the heck is wrong, hun?" "So, what's up with the lavender elf today?" "Is someone having an abnormal case of PMS today?" "I'm not going away until you talk to me!" "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!" and "I'll start singing that song again! Follow me, everything is all right..." He spun around and glared at her, his black eyes firing. "What?" She stood as high as she could and barely came eye to eye on him. "You have to tell me or I can't help you!" "I don't want help!" he yelled, his black eyes glaring at her. "Well, you're gonna get it anyway!" she yelled back, her eyes just flasking a pale green color briefly. "Go away Katarel!" he ordered. He had never used his superiority to boss her around, but she didn't notice. "No!" she yelled, practically nose to nose with him. "Well, it's none of your goddamn business!" "Well I'm making it my business!" "Leave, Katarel! NOW!" "I hate you! I don't see how I could have ever loved you!" "Well I hate you too! I don't see why I bothered with the likes of you! You were the one to cause all of this! I should have killed you!" "FINE!" she screamed. "FINE!" he yelled. "I'M LEAVING!" she spun on her heel and stomped away, eventually gathering speed and flying around a corner. "AND GOOD RIDDANCE!" he yelled at her retreating back. Spinning around, he stomped off to find some peace away from chaotic female Saiyans that pranced around in short skirts and 'Saiyan PRIDE' and 'Kakarot sux!' T-shirts.  
  
Some hours later, he found her, packing the last of her books and such in a suitcase. She faced him, her hair cropped hair spiked in the way any Saiyan's does, even thought she had spent years getting it out. Her suit was different than it was hours before. She wore a captain's suit, which she only wore when she was going to go flying around in her hunk-o'-junk pile of scrap metal that she called the Star 03. Kaioshin absolutely hated that starship. And, even more, he hated that uniform. It showed way too much of her skin. Hell, to him, the Kaioshin uniform showed too much skin! He gapped at her short black hair that was now cropped short so that it curled around her ears and spiked at her forehead. She threw some clothes in her suitcase and said in a voice that dripped utter disgust in seeing him, "I'm leaving as fast as I can, Master." Her tail was covered in gold rings and such that clinked and chimed as she walked and her forehead sported a gold band with a ruby the size of a chicken's egg. Her boots clicked as she walked around, picking up the last of her things from around the room: her sword, her notebook, a small music box, her keys to her starship, and her CD of her favorite songs. She threw the last of her belongings into the suitcase and lashed her sword to her belt. She grabbed her suitcase and turned to leave. She came face to face to Kaioshin who blocked the doorway. "Get out of my way!" she said angrily. "No." he said flatly. "Why not?" "You can't leave because you'll get hurt!" he said, his hands balling into fists. "Oh, really? Is that all?" she said, crossing her arms over her practically exposed chest. "I couldn't possibly live without you!" he yelled, unable to keep the anger from his voice. "Oh really? What happened to 'and good riddance?'" she said with a lot of attitude and a smug look on her face. "I wouldn't be able to live without you!" he tried to reason. Taking a step toward her, he said, "I need you-" "No, you don't! You're a Kaioshin! You need to stay here." she cut him off. "I couldn't give a damn about the universe! Right now, I need you here. I need you!" he said, now face to face with her. "I don't care what you need! I need to free myself from this guilt! There is no way I could possibly stay here! And you know that!" "I don't care! I can't live without you! I'll die if you leave me here!" "No you won't!" He didn't argue further, but leaned forward, pulled her close, and kissed her on the lips, softly at first, but acting on impulse, he pulled her closer until the flame in his heart nearly consume them both right there in the doorway. He pulled away, and almost let her go, but something pulled him back, a ferocious need engulfing his heart and senses. He looked at her with eyes hooded, trying to hide it, but the passion rose in him, and he reached for her hand and said in a voice that was suddenly horse and husky, "Don't go. I need you here." He touched her hand but she flinched and drew it away, looking back with eyes full of sorrow. "You know that I can't do that." she said softly. He suddenly looked at her with a face of stone. "I won't allow it." He said cold, ice practically dripping from his words. She looked at him with those eyes, so dark a blue that they were almost black, and so deep they seemed to have no end, eyes that cut through his defenses and slashed them to the ground. "I'm leaving whether I have your permission or not. And, like it or not, I may not return when this is over." And with her final words, she stepped away abruptly and disappeared from his sight and sense. He felt over the whole universe for her, but she was nowhere now. Oh, great gods, what have I done?  
  
My thoughts jerked back to the present abruptly as I felt the morning rays hit my face. But that wasn't the only thing to hit my face. I was suddenly sent staggering off to the side by a weak and poorly aimed, but staggering blow. Staggering a bit to the left, I look over my shoulder to see a young child there, a blunt spear in her hands. She looked at the child, who hit her rather harshly in the side, shooting her a look that said 'Don't even think about it!' I roll my eyes and look at the girl, frowning, positive all my 105,439,129 earth years showing up in my eyes. "Look, little girl, I won't hurt you. I'm just very sick and tired and-" A sudden rustling of the trees nearby to my left distracted me. I focused my full attention on it and a monster came leaping out. It had a large body, like the body of a smashed bus. But it was covered in gray slimy things that writhed and flared about its body like worms eating at decaying flesh. It had many limbs that made it look like some sort of a mutated spider. I kept as still as I could, for I was trembling, and the scent of rotting flesh was unbearable for one with such heightened senses as my own. Its two red gleaming eyes focused on the child and I and the girl cursed softly, "Oh, my gods...it's a demon!" Not thinking about it, when the thing-or demon-attacked and aimed toward the girl, who was stringing a bow, I lurched in front of it. Aiming a kamehameha wave at its eye, I gasped in pain as one of its many limbs touched and coiled itself around my arm. It attached itself there and seared my arm, sending pain shooting though my body. I cried out from the pain, and shot blindly, and by the squeal of pain and terror from the demon, I had somehow hit my mark. Another squeal of terror from the wriggling thing came and told me that the girl was fine and had finally strung her bow. I staggered forward and lifted my seared arm to deliver a final blow when I hear a voice in my head. Disgusting, vile creatures. You despicable, vile disgusting creatures. I leave you my curse to bear until, screaming in agony, you lay dead or dying as I do. I hope it drives you to the point of madness and beyond. Telepathy, I thought. I'm not vile. You attacked us before either could defend and yet we have done nothing to you. I may carry your curse, but I will lift it, on your grave, I shall find a cure, and I swear I will seek my revenge. Ha! You will die within days. Your pitiful attempts to save the universe have been in vain. I swear to thee, upon my grave, upon the highest hand of the gods, and upon the lowliest flame of Hell, I will kill you and all your kind and seek my revenge upon you, for I am the one and only- A seizure of pain and flame and fire consumed her, surging through her arm, causing her to scream in pain. Forcing the thoughts, she spoke, Katarel Suiana! Lifting my arm again, I blasted the area in front of me, feeling that the darkness before me no longer lay there. I kept my eyes closed as my arm and body throbbed in pain. I kept my eyes squeezed shut from the pain, and clenched my jaw tightly to keep from yelling curses. I finally bent to my knees and stuck my hand in the snow, which hissed and melted almost on contact. The girl came up, tearing off icicles off the branches and holding them there and tying them. When the pain was finally bearable, I opened my eyes to meet a pair of lavender pools of innocence. "You saved my life." the girl said. "Yea, I'd save almost anyone." "But you killed that man. Why did you kill him and spare me?" "He... He killed many people. He was evil." "Oh..." she said. Untying the ice wrappings, she examined the flesh there. When she hissed in a breath through her teeth, I knew it had to be bad. I didn't have the courage to look at it, but, turning my head, I saw that the skin on my arm was burned. And it wasn't a normal burn either, it was a cursed burn. And it hurt like hell! 


	4. The Last Tears that I Cry

Chapter 4  
  
Last Tears that I Cry  
  
I look to the west, where her energy now flows freely. Normally, I'd rejoice and fly as fast as my body would allow. Not only is it no longer bound and masked, but it is also draining quickly. She has to be in trouble. I must find her! I fly, faster and faster to her power source, when suddenly I can't sense her power any longer. Stopping abruptly, I go over the three possibilities in my head. One, she could just be hiding her power again. Two, she could have passed out. Three... I didn't want to know number three, although it lingered at the back of my mind.  
  
She could be dead.  
  
As I stumbled into the village behind the girl, I winced in pain as I felt the burn move up my arm. I bit my tongue to keep from yelling out. Soon I felt the sweet metallic taste upon my tongue as it bled slightly.   
  
She led me to a large, dimly lit hut. Once inside I froze and allowed my eyes to adjust. Someone seemed to lift the blinds and sunlight poured in. My eyes adjusted to the sudden change and I looked around to see five elderly people sitting in a row side by side a few feet in front of me. I looked at the one on the far left, and moved down the row, and then back to the woman in the middle. She looked at me with sad, sorrowful eyes. I blinked my eyes and jumped when the young girl spoke up from the shadows.   
  
"She has been struck, sirs and medicine woman. She had the opportunity to kill me cleanly and get away with it but she did not. She has proved herself honorably. I owe her a life debt. She must be taken into care and is to be put into the best of care for her remaining time."  
  
Remaining time? What is she talking about? The elderly people murmured to one another about this. My sharp ears couldn't even make out a word of it. I looked nervously from one person to another, unsure of what to do. I swallow my fear and slowly take deep breaths to calm myself. I slowly beg to the gods to forgive me in case I ever had done anything wrong in the past, and silently begged Shin to forgive my foolish actions. I hadn't meant to hurt him. I was only trying to keep him from harm. My past actions led to North, West, and South's deaths, and I couldn't possibly bear the death of the East Kaioshin as well. I prayed that I could prevent any future harm to him. Physical or otherwise.  
  
The old woman that had the sad eyes spoke up now. She said, in a voice that sounded like an ancient flute playing on a soft breeze from far away,  
  
"Do you know what kind of curse you bear, star-child?"  
  
I shook my head slowly.  
  
She spoke again in her flute-like voice,  
  
"The curse you carry has no cure."  
  
I was expecting that.  
  
"It will eat at your soul slowly, and slowly tear at your body, leaving you to die a painful death. You will get spasms where your body with feel as though it is on fire. We have found only a few ways to treat these spasm attacks, and sometimes they work, sometimes they do not. We will treat you to the best of our ability to show our gratitude for you saving our princess, Ashitara." I didn't expect her to say that.  
  
Princess? Spasms? FIRE?! Cold fear flooded through my veins at the thought of flames. I was like any sensible creature on the Earth. I feared fire.  
  
I swallowed hard and listened to the old woman's wise words, praying that she could quell the fear that bubbled up inside me.   
  
"There's so little that we can do for you here. But we will do anything to make sure you're alright." The old woman stood then, and walked forward. The girl that I had saved, presumably Ashitara, nudged me with her elbow and I held my hands out.  
  
The old woman stopped and reached into the folds of her clothing. She pulled out a crystal ball. It was about the size of a softball and was a pale, clear lavender. My breath caught in my throat at the sight of it. A crystal ball... like... like...   
  
She placed the crystal in my hands and she took a step backward.  
  
"I found this years ago, when I was barely Ashitara's age. It had fallen from the sky. I feel as though it may be important to you. I just wish there were more that I could do. I feel as though I knew you, once upon a time. I'd remember a face like yours. And I'd know if I had seen that hair." she said, motioning to my cut hair that spiked and stood up. I looked down at the crystal ball in my hands, remembering the day I'd just given up.  
  
"Katarel you can't do this." Shin reasoned, his arms folded over his chest, his black eyes scolding.  
  
"Shin, it's not fair if I let you go and do this on your own!" she said. She folded her arms across her chest, in an imitation of him and added, "You deserve to have someone there to be with you!"   
  
Why are we fighting? Why fight each other when we need to be fighting together? Katarel fought with herself in her own thoughts and Shin broke her concentration when he burst out,  
  
"I don't care! I won't let you!"  
  
"I'm not going to stop just because you told me to!" she said angrily.  
  
"Then you'll stop because I made you!" He took a step forward and used his slightly superior height to tower over her. She took a step forward and stood nearly nose to nose with him and yelled in his face,  
  
"I won't!"  
  
"You will!"  
  
They just stood there, glaring at each other for a few moments and finally Katarel, with all her pent up anger inside, regrettably slapped the deity, hard on the cheek.  
  
Shin stood there, stunned that she would actually slap him. His cheek was red where she had hit him and he brought his fingers up to feel it, and when he held his fingers in front of his eyes, he saw his blood on them. She had scratched him! She just took a step backward and ran away to her room to cry alone and beg for Shin's forgiveness.  
  
But instead of going to her room, she went to Earth, the crystal he had given in her hands and, standing at the edge of a deep, deep forest, she threw it away, and it landed without making a sound, too far for even her keen eyes to see, and she flew away, to return home and listen to Shin's pain as he moped around and not speak to him for days on end...  
  
Where has my life gone from there? I asked myself. Downhill was the answer from inside my heart. I remembered times where we all would laugh until our sides hurt and times where we all were trying our hardest to try something ordinary, and we all became the people that I cherished the most, even long after they had left us. I felt like it was my chance to make up for everything that I had ruined, for more did not come to take their place and everyone feared that Buu and Bibidi would come and just kill them off.  
  
"So what do I do now?" I looked up to the old woman and she answered with a smile,  
  
"You need to contact him."  
  
It was at this moment, and this moment only, that I understood. I needed to tell Shin I forgive him.  
  
Flying faster and faster, I finally felt her power, steady as ever, in my heart and head. She was alive; I gave a small sigh of relief and flew towards it. Slowly, ever so slowly, a village seemed to unfold itself from the woods that surrounded it. I stopped in midair and looked around, until something caught my eye. Something small and glittering in the sunlight. I turned toward the little light and narrowed my eyes to slits, trying to focus them.  
  
And then, suddenly, everything slowed down. He saw everything in slow motion. There she stood, on a rooftop of the hut in the center of the village. She held the crystal that he had given her in her hands, a smile on her face, but a burn had crept up her arm. It felt like I would do nothing to speed myself up, because there was only one speed, and that was slow. I seemed to finally get to her after hours of flying slowly. I dared not try to fly faster, lest I awoke from this dream to find that she was still gone. Finally, she was in my arms and she hugged me. I held her for the longest time before she gasped out in pain. I looked at her arm, where her burn was, and gasped.  
  
"A cursed burn! Oh my gods, what happened? Katarel, who did this to you? Tell me!" I was beginning to panic, for even I knew that there was nothing that anyone could do about a cursed burn. I looked at her face, which was streaked with pain, and held her close to my chest. She resisted, as I knew she would, for her Saiyan pride made her do things on her own even when she knew she couldn't. Her Saiyan pride was more like the foolish pride of a cowboy that rodeos and it takes so long to realize that he's lost it all. She never knew how much she had until she didn't have it anymore.   
  
And god, I wasn't about to lose her to anything!  
  
We sat across a fire, watching each other. She watched me with kind eyes that expressed so much more than she said. When the village elder spoke up, I listened intently to her words.  
  
"We have been blessed by this young woman's presence and she is going to slip from our grasp. That accursed demon set this burn upon her. Now she will only die a painful death. I pray that the great God, Kaioshin, may forgive us for not being of any more help to him."  
  
I bowed my head, knowing what she said was the truth. But at that moment, Katarel broke out in a laugh and said,  
  
"I can't possibly die! I'm the Crystal Saiyan! I'm supposed to be the only survivor." She looked around at the others, still smiling, but her smile faded when she got to me. My stomach fell out with dread. I was going to lose her... Gods, what the hell did I do?!  
  
I couldn't hold her gaze for long. I knew that it was just sinking in right now. I knew that if there was only one mistake I ever made, it was letting her go to begin with.  
  
And as my second chance slipped out of my hands, Katarel looked down at her burn which had grown over more than half of her torso and onto her other arm. A dog pup came up to attentively and licked her knee and jumped into her lap. She scratched it behind its ears, and said softly to the white puppy,  
  
"I hope you live to be old and wise and strong, Ghen."  
  
The puppy licked her face and she smiled. I smiled softly and prayed that with Katarel's last few weeks, she would not leave me alone again.  
  
Neko Kai:: *cries quietly* This was my most depressing chapter. I have to remember that I promised to send this to my special friend that Kaioshin reminds me of. =3 He says my stories make me so adorable. He might not like the ending to this one though... anyway, I gotta be going now.   
  
L@T3R D@Y$!!  
  
/\/3K0 K@! 


	5. Memories of the Pain

Chapter Five Memories of the Pain  
  
The whole way home, the thought of my death scared me. It chilled me right down to the bone! I couldn't stand breaking Shin's heart again! He hadn't taken their deaths well, but now he would be happier without me around to just cause trouble for him. And right now, as I stare at the window, I see my reflection. Well, I see half of it, because the rest is cast into the shadows. I knew that I would be like my reflection, cast into the shadows. I could only hope that Shin could brace his heart for the waves of sadness then the realization of me no longer being there would fill him with joy, because then he'd never be at risk of heartbreak. And even as my mind dawned upon the realization of him being happy once again, my heart mourned, for the picture that my mind conjured had no traces of me in it.  
  
Katarel was home now, where we could be together for the remaining few weeks of her life. I don't know what I'll do when she's gone. I try not to think of it, but Katarel kind of just jokes about it. Today we were talking about what we were going to do about her ship, which she had worked on ever since she got home. She only has about two weeks left. Her heart breaks every time we talk about our plans for what was going to be our future, because she knew she wouldn't be a part of it. Right now, I hold her in my arms as we rock in a hammock placed in the garden. We can't find any words to say it, but we both know that there's only one way to say it. Katarel will never live to see her next birthday. She will never get to see me again. And I will be left here alone again.  
  
Some of her first thoughts were like "Why can't you just wish me back?" And "Won't I go to otherworld?" Well as I thought about this, I realized that I couldn't wish her back. She had already been wished back to life. And I wasn't at all positive about the Other World thing. She hadn't really saved a whole planet from being destroyed. Well, she probably had, but it was for what anyone might call selfish reasons. Katarel didn't take this too well. She went into a mad rage and wouldn't stop working on her ship until it was done, and then gave it several new coats of paint. Even now she didn't want to accept the fact that she would die. She didn't feel relieved that now Buu wouldn't bother the universe. She just wanted to watch me. I wanted to see her happy like she once was, without a scowl or frown on her face. I wanted to see her bounding around everywhere, playing jokes on everyone with West. I wanted her to see that she was the great person that I saw. But I couldn't get her relaxed enough. She was always on edge and always pushed away from my embrace. Only when she slept did she seem peaceful. She never slept voluntarily in the same room as me; she only fell asleep when she was alone. I was so tempted to take a picture of her just lying there, fast asleep at her desk when she learned things about the universe, or when she stayed up late training herself, pushing her body beyond its limits, or even as she meditated in the very tops of the trees. But now, she admitted defeat. She didn't want to see me hurt any more than I was. She just stayed right where she was, and although she didn't speak, it was hurting me that she didn't just use her last little bit of time left wisely. In the end, I would be left to carry on again. Never did I feel the urge to fight for the right to never let her go. Never had I felt the need to just take her by the hand and live reckless for one day. I had thought about it. The idea definitely appealed to me. I could stay with her, and she would get to have fun, and smile for once, instead of frowning or moping around. So I took it to Kibito. You can just guess how well that went over.  
  
"Absolutely! It sounds like a wonderful idea." I was shocked. Kibito was saying that something fun to do was a great idea"? That wasn't Kibito talking. Something didn't quite fit right. "You're serious? You'd let me go?" "Absolutely!" He put on a grin, but I could see that something was behind it. "Do you mean it?" "Sir. Of course...NOT!" I knew it. There was always a punch line. "It's reckless endangerment! What if you get seriously hurt! What if you get killed! It's preposterous!" "What happened to the 'it's a wonderful idea'?!" "Sir, you really must get out more often. It's this handy thing called sarcasm." I glared at him. I knew he hated my idea, but he would have to live with it! "I'm going anyway!" "No, you are not!" "Oh, yes I am!" "No you're not!" "Yes I am! "No you're not!" "Yes I am! "No you're not!" "Yes I am! "No you're not!" "Yes I am! "No you're not!" "Yes I am! "No!" "Yes!" "No!" "Yes!" "No!" "Yes!" "No!" "Yes!" "No!" "Yes!" "NO!" "YES!" "NO!" "YES!" "NO!" "YES!" "NO!" "YES!" "NO!" "YES, AND THAT'S FINAL!" There were rare occasions where I yelled, and this was one of them. I was going to take that day off, with or without Kibito.  
  
A few days later, Shin spoke to me. He told me that he had a surprise for me. He wanted me to wear my baggy blue-jeans, white tank top, and a red bandana. When I did as he asked, I looked in the mirror and saw what looked like a normal human staring back at me. My tail was hidden in the leg of my baggy jeans, and my ears were hidden in the bandana. When I was going to question him about this, he just grabbed me by the hand, made me wait outside his door until he came out in similar clothes and teleported us to a strange place with a lot of people. Looking around at all the people, I began to wonder what was exactly going on in that little head of his... 


	6. Fun While It Lasted

Chapter Six  
  
Fun while it lasted  
  
I sat at home, watching the tape of our day at the amusement park. Shin had tried his best to be normal, but it was just...too hard apparently.   
  
He had gotten cotton candy all over his face, ketchup and mustard on his nose, soda all over his shirt, popcorn in his hair. I had to admit. It was hilarious. I had to have watched it a hundred times.   
  
He was asleep, his head resting on my shoulder, snoring softly every once in a while. It was the best day of my life.  
  
And now, as I watched him sleep, I felt that I would be happy to die just like this, watching our happiest day over and over, shin by my side. Okay, so what if he's asleep. I'm just happy to just fall asleep and never wake up. Totally painless.  
  
God, how my heart ached and yearned. I wanted him to be happy.  
  
No longer did I fear my upcoming death, I embraced it. Instead of running away from the problems I faced, I turned and took them head on.  
  
And I knew that the last chapter in the story of my life was quickly coming to a close.   
  
I closed my eyes and slept, peacefully at his side, while his soft snores lulled me into a world of dreams...  
  
I awoke the next day feeling cold. I couldn't explain it, but on the inside, I felt warm and happy, but cold on the outside. Too cold.   
  
I opened my eyes to discover Katarel sleeping peacefully on my lap. She seemed so calm...and cold. Cold panic flooded my veins. I shook her, trying to get her to wake up, but she didn't stir. I swallowed and said, in a voice that had fear running throughout it,  
  
"Katarel? Wake up! Please! You can't! Not now Katarel! No! Please, Katarel, wake up! No..." I couldn't save her. The old woman was right. There was nothing I could do to save my only link to the memories.   
  
Now that's exactly what she was. A memory.  
  
It can't end like this... I thought as tears filled my eyes. I won't let her leave me alone again!  
  
I held her head under my chin, pressing her death-chilled body close to me.  
  
"DOONNN'T GOOOOOOOOOO!"  
  
Neko Kai:: Is this the end of out hero? Has Katarel finally been defeated? Find out when I write back.   
  
Later Days.  
  
Neko Kai 


	7. Epilogue The Beginning has to End

Epilogue  
  
I stared at the ground. Her gravestone had been carved out of marble, a beautiful angel looking down at me, a smile on her face. The words had been carved into the marble, and burned into my mind.   
  
"In a world where there seems no light,   
  
She was the one to give us sight.  
  
And to this day, I miss her so,  
  
And now my heart knows only the woe.  
  
All this time it was you,  
  
I never thought that it could come true.  
  
And I sure enjoyed the view.  
  
Seeing everything brand-new.  
  
And I've gone so far away,  
  
I wish with me you could stay.  
  
Here I feel at home.  
  
I never knew just how far I'd roam.  
  
When the light comes shining through,  
  
I will gladly take my cue and find you."  
  
What was happening? Katarel was now gone. What was I going to do? Where was my smart, clever Katarel when I needed her most?  
  
I looked to the angel statue, and turned away before it could see me cry. I walked away, as slowly as I dared. Help was not coming this time. I was on my own. I had to fend for myself. No one would get to my heart again.   
  
And as I walked away, my heart breaking, I cried silent tears, for there was no return.   
  
A million years later...  
  
I sat on the grass, stock still. Kibito stood behind me, watching me intently. I didn't know why I persisted to search for her ki. I knew she was gone for good this time. For once, my pride caved in, my heart taking in the realization that I'd never see her face again. She had died a million years before.  
  
And yet, as I stood up, my face set in a stern expression, I can't help but feel something.  
  
The world has not stopped. Everything is the same. The world kept turning, the sun rose and set, the moon still hung in the sky. The stars hadn't gone out. The world moved on without me.  
  
And in the deepest part of my heart, there was a place that was secret to me. What was I thinking? That I could save her? Yea, right. A wimpy Kai is going to save the life of the Crystal Saiyan. Yea...right... And I'd pull out the Z Sword.  
  
I flew far and fast, trying to get away. And for a split second, when I glanced over my shoulder, I could see her, smiling, and laughing, flying at my side. I smiled, just barely, and flew faster and faster, not going anywhere really. Just to fly away.  
  
Preview of: Speed  
  
Shin stared in disbelief. He couldn't believe his eyes. Was he hallucinating? Had he finally lost his mind? Or was Katarel really and truly alive? What was gong one? Someone needs to pinch me, he thought.  
  
He pinched his arm. It hurt. He wasn't dreaming... Katarel was ALIVE!  
  
Neko Kai: Like the preview? So do I! I can't wait to write it all! Anyway, this is my most depressing story as of lately. I really hope to finish my other two stories within reason. Anyway, Later Dayz!  
  
Neko Kai 


End file.
